My counselor always told me that I would never be “E-D”. That is finish”E-D” or recover”E-D”, or complet”E-D”. I was always going to be a work in progress. It has taken me 15 years to finally and completely realize what she meant. Life is lived ONE DAY AT A TIME. Our time is measured ONE DAY AT A TIME. Nothing more and nothing less. My journey on this Earth is the same. ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Many things have happened since I started my “recovery”. I worked on the marriage for 7 years and then divorced. I worked thur many years of emotional turmoil from being raised in a dysfunctional home with a rage-a-holic, pill head mom. I worked thru incest issues. I lost 150 lbs. Gained back 50 lbs. Moved to NY. Moved to VA. Had gastric bypass surgery and lost another 100 lbs. Started and ended many relationships. Raised children. Changed professions. Lost my dad. And my grandma. Touched many wounded hearts and broken spirits. Served as a Deaconess at an inner city ministry for street people.
I am still not “E-D”. God I isn’t done with yet.
One morning in January, right after my first AA meeting in years, I was waiting for the sun to come up while spending time with my cup of coffee, my dog was peacefully laying at my feet. And I was given a great gift from my God. He plopped (figuratively speaking) a beautiful box in my lap and said to “open it”. Inside that box was the answer to the prayers that I had been asking of Him for the past 3 years. You see, I had been asking for a way and the means and the vision to start my own business. I had always dreamed of owning my own business. I want to be able to work for me. I had prayed for the opportunity for a home based business that would provide enough revenue to support me and the kids and enough free time to maybe go back to school part time to earn my degree in counseling.
Well, inside that box that God so graciously plopped in my lap was the whole “SHA-BANG”. From start to finish. He had the plan and I had the desire.
My business is focused on and around the 12 Steps of AA. The recovery I started in 1992. Al-Anon. I am designing, making, and selling relevant note cards based on those steps.
It has been only 2 short months since that day. I have gotten my business license. My Federal Tax ID number. My computer system. My commercial bank account. My web site is almost complete. I received and completed my first order. And I am ready to go.
My counselor also used to pound it into my head that “I was only responsible for the footsteps that I took. I was responsible for the actions that God directed me to take. I was not responsible for the results.” So, the rest is his job to do.
My 23 yr old daughter has a favorite saying: “Where God guides…God provides”. The saying is so elementally easy. But it really takes a lot of faith to hold to that and WALK in that confidence of God. That He is there to make it happen.
I guess what I want to say is this: Thru many years of “focusing my myself” and finding out who I was, recovering from past hurts, habits and hang ups, I have learned this one thing: I am still nothing. It is HIM that is in me that makes me who and what I am. It is HIM in me that defines me.