Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Idols And Affirmation

Idolatry is defined as:
1) The religious worship of idols.
2) Excessive or blind adoration, reverence, devotion.
3) Obsession, madness, mania.
I’ve been thinking a lot about idolatry lately. What a strange word right? It’s an old school biblical term that you don’t really hear a lot about. I believe that’s because as Christians we don’t pursue idols. Not the idols spoken of in the old testament. We certainly reject the mere thought of having them in our lives. We don’t offer incense or food sacrificed to anything. We don’t offer praise to anyone but God.
But, I for one have discovered that I have been keeping an idol. Not the “on bended knee” kind of idol. I am not prostrate on the ground in worship. But the kind of idol that involves putting someone else before God. The people-pleasing-fear-of-man kind of idolatry.
I let my ex-boyfriend become an idol. I wanted his acceptance. His approval. As a result of that I let myself be consumed blindly by my idolatry.
What I don’t understand about all this, is how it happened. How did I let myself fall into the old thought patterns of my disease….co-dependency? What is it about me that is still broken to the degree that I don’t even think twice about falling into the pattern? It comes so natural to me. I have realized that it is PART of me. Part of my nature.
I can function in a relationship with any healthy man, woman, or child and stay healthy and focused myself. But you add to that relationship, an unhealthy person. A controlling person. A biased person. A religious person. And I tend to lose me. And worse, I tend to lose sight of WHO I was created to be. And I tend to follow after the sick twisted thoughts and feelings of my co-dependency. Within days….my disease has taken over and away I go. Chasing after approval. Chasing after acceptance. No matter what. Throwing myself away. Losing respect for me. And that plummets me deeper and deeper into a place that isn’t a good place for me to be.
Holy shit!!
I have come to terms that I do not have to please anyone. I don’t have to have all the right answers. I do not have to conform to anything or anyone but God. I don’t have to live a life of accommodation for someone else’s comfort. I don’t know all there is to know. I don’t think I want to. But this I do know….I am perfect just the way I am. I am already accepted. Already loved. Already bought and paid for. I am already sealed. I am already sanctified. I am who He created. I also know that there is no such thing as a mistake for a believer. We have learning experiences. A chance to be more refined. More like Jesus. When I blow it in the minors or the majors just doesn’t matter. I must go forward. I must.
Looking at this idol in my life made me wonder what other idols there could be lurking and skulking about. What else must come to the surface as I continue to sort and sift. Time will certainly tell.
What idols are presenting themselves in your life?

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