Friday, April 18, 2008

Step 2: Came To Believe

We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

I have always heard it explained this way:

First we CAME (we showed up)
Then we CAME TO (the denial lifted)
Then we CAME TO BELIEVE (that there was hope)

I want to break this down even more. The first 3 Steps are always the hardest. They are all about surrender. Surrender your way of trying to do life. Your way of trying to make it better. Make the pain stop. Make the insanity stop. Make the husband stop drinking. The kids stop acting out. Make the house quiet. Stop fixing everything. Stop being exhausted. Stop lying. Stop spending money. Stop eating. Stop NOT eating. Surrender is something that comes pretty hard to most.

Coming to believe that there is hope is a pretty scarey thing. We want to believe there is hope. That there is a God out there that cares. That there is freedom from striving and spinning and twirling and living out of control. Most people that enter recovery come in with some awareness that there is a Creator. It is the "coming to believe" that is the hard part. It requires us to trust. Trusting that there is a God and that WE matter to Him??

How can be get to a place where our need for a higher power is greater than the fear and disbelief of reaching out for Him? For some men and women the concept of a Heavenly Father is terrifying. Thier fathers here on earth have traumatized them, shamed them, hurt them, bruised thier souls, and crushed the very spirit inside them. Reaching out to a 'father' in heaven is beyond reason.

I'm going to get really honest here in these posts. I will not hide. I am a firm believer that there is no other reason for going thru what we go thru, other than to give away the hope that we recieved thru restoration of Christ. As I said I will draw from others and what they have to say, but I will draw from my own recovery the most. I am an incest survivor. My father took my innocence when I was 4 yrs old. Then he abandoned the family. So for me, the concept of a 'father' was something that I could not reach out to. But the really cool thing about the Father is that He provided me with his Son. Jesus. Jesus was the one I reached out to. I had to separate this in my mind before my heart could grasp it. Jesus walked me thru the darkest placest of my recovery. He fought for me. Stood up for me. Healed me.
Restored me.

That is what I "Came To Believe" and what He used to restore me to sanity.


doxie mom said...

This is one of the hardest things for me to surrender. My way of trying to do life my way of trying to make things better, I don't know how to make the pain stop because I repress it. I still try to fix peoples problems and sometimes don't take care of my own. I can stay up late hours and I can still get up with little sleep. Obviously, my sleep patterns are screwed up. Hope, I don't even think about it and feel I don't have alot of hope. My freedom what is it?

Tara said...

I think part of the core of this step is self love. Most of us have been tossed aside and thrown away our entire lifes by others and ultimatly ourselves. If I can't believe that I am loved, wanted, desired, and worth it then there would be no reason to reach or trust that the Father is going to restore me. I think we need to get to a place where we value ourselves. That starts by not throwing ourselves away. Breaking patterns. Our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. I have to take care of it the best I can. Sometimes that means that we have to re-parent US. Eat right. Sleep. Excercise. Taking care of the Physical, Spiritual, Emotional. Taking meds correctly. I think that when we are able to fully embrace the fact that GOD loves us, I mean REALLY loves us. The value of His creation (me and you) increases and we come to believe that He cares.