Friday, July 25, 2008

On Being SAFE

Kathy, my friend with the carnival in her head wrote about safe people this week. Ya know, I gotta tell you that when I read over the list of attributes of safe and unsafe peopple I really kinda got some 'ut-ohs'. I seen myself in the unsafe catagory more than once. I am being drawn into looking at these charactor defects and changing them. Kathy also expressed that we are all a work in progress and that this is a journey without desitination here on Earth. Well said.

The top 3 on this list belong to me. I know that I need to become safe to others. It's not that I think the I have it all together, its that I see the level of recoveries out there and it reminds me of the blind leading the blind. It kirks me out. I have to work on this judgementalism that I am carrying. We are ALL a work in progress. Where has the mercy and compassion that used to flow from me gone? Has it gotten choked by resentment? Something to look at for me.

I do get defensive when someone tries to speak into my life. Especially when I don't trust THEM. Trust. Safe. Church people are not safe to me.

The self rightousness?? Well, yeah I gotta own this. However, in my heart I know that I am nothing in and of myself. It is all Him. Have I picked up my rose colored glasses again to gaze in the mirror with?

I tend to want to push people thru it. I want them to 'get it' and move on. I know that I need to be there. I have a hard time with humility with my recovery. I have a hard time being gentle at times. Lots to think about here in this post. It certainly is stirring the pot for me. Challenging me to excellence in my own recovery and how I give back.

Take a look at Kathy's list below and let me know if anything strikes a bell for you. Where do you see yourself? Where do you see yourself with others? Are you safe?

Unsafe People (and communities):
* think they ”have it all together” instead of admitting their weaknesses
* are defensive instead of open to feedback
* are self-righteous instead of humble
* only apologize instead of changing their behavior
* avoid working on their problems instead of dealing with them
* demand trust instead of earning it
* blame others instead of take responsibility
* lie instead of tell the truth
* remain stagnant instead of growing
* resist freedom instead of encouraging it (can’t take no for an answer)
* flatter us instead of confronting us
* condemn us instead of forgiving us
* stay in parent/child roles instead of relating to us as equals
* unstable over time instead of being consistent
* gossip instead of keeping secrets
Safe People (and communities):
* accept us just like we are
* love us no matter how we are being or what we do
* influence us to develop our ability to love and be responsible
* create love and good works within us
* give us an opportunity to grow & stretch & practice
* help us feel comfortable being “ourselves”, to be on the outside what we are on the inside
* allow us to become the us that God intended
* use their lives to touch ours and leave us better for it
* help us be more like Christ
* help us to like & love others more
* make the relationship more important than opinions
* receive instead of just give
* are humble & willing to say what they need
* are honest, kind & don’t pretend
* work through resistances instead of giving up

Pretty extensive stuff here. I can say the thing that I have worked the hardest thru lately is not running away. When I am pushed or hurt. I tend to want to hide. I am working my way back into community. It feels unsafe. I know it is painful. But I have to walk thru this or it will keep coming back around to me. I have to risk. And I would like to add that "SAFE" people encourage us and celebrate the risks into healthiness that we take even when we fail or back-peddle.

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