Friday, May 9, 2008


Arrogance is defined as: offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride.
YUK! Well, a very trusted mentor spoke into my life recently and told me that I had an attitude and that I was arrogant. OUCH! I told her that I was NOT arrogant. Then she proceeded to speak the words of a prophetess.
I have come to realize that I expect too much from people in recovery ministries. I hear that someone is serving in a recovery ministry and I assume that the person is healty. Wrong. I have walked in assumptions and expectations of the people that I serve with in ministry.
So as a result of this, I have become arrogant with what I have. With my recovery. My wisdom. My insight. And what it does is piss people off. Instead of presenting with a spirit of love and gentleness....what I offer is wrapped up in a pretty little package of arrogance that sounds like this in my head:
"What are you kidding me? You don't know this? I thought you'd be able to deal with this better than this"...among other thoughts. Not nice of me. My arrogance has pushed people away from me rather than draw them closer. Not only that but I am being labeled as rebellious, self promoting, and carnal.
I also am a prophetess. I have the ability to see into and beyond. People don't like that. It's un-nerving to say the least. I have kept this gifting a secret for quite some time. But there are those that see it. They know it. This further makes them more uncomfortable with me. I mean...hey they stoned the prophets didn't they??
I was in a very deep recovery program for years. Then I served on the leadership. The program was confrontive, in your face, and it worked. It had and still is the standard by which I measure recovery by. It's not a fair standard.
I have to lose my expectations of those around me that aren't 'recovered' enough. What is wrong with me that I have replaced grace with expectations? Why have I allowed this into my life? Where is the gentleness, patience, grace, and love that should be flowing from me?
Did I say 'OUCH'??

1 comment:

Heidi Renee said...

Oh Tara, my heart breaks for you! I did the 2 year stint in "Celebrate Recovery" and found it dust in my mouth. It has taken something so beautiful and so free and locked it in a tiny cage with bars of iron.

If I can encourage you at all FLY WOMAN, be free - there is TONS of recovery outside the walls of the church and it looks WAY more like Jesus than I ever found inside.

I don't mean for an instant that so many of the people there weren't loving, salt of the earth people, but recovery was NEVER meant to be a hierarchy and what CR does is instantly put those in control OVER the peons like you and me.

That is why the 12 traditions are just as important as the 12 steps.

Can people get healthy in CR? Maybe. But they will never (I know that's a strong word, but dang I have my scars) be free.