Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Missing Pieces Of Me.....

As I make my way thru the conflict that is before me. One thought comes to my mind alot. Would this conflict be as great if I had had a father model before me growing up? I had a wonderful step father. He provided for me. Kept a roof over my head and offered stability. But there was no input offered to my mom as far as parenting. He never put his hands into the mix with me. Never really offered guidance either. Words of wisdom. No. And he never corrected me. I adore my step dad. I shudder to think what would have become of me and my mom had he not entered into my life.

But I also wonder, would I have had such a hard time dealing with authoritative figures had I had the strong male role modeled in my home as a child. As a teen. As a young woman? I find myself with places that still need to be filled within my heart. Places that I am sure a father would have filled. I am sure it is what THE Father designed. But it is amiss inside of me. I am seeking to have that restored. I don't know how that will come to pass. But it is painful to feel and painful to know that it is missing.

The one piece of advice my birth father gave me was:
"Never do anything that cannot be undone".....

And I come back to that alot.

Sometimes, a girl just needs her dad. This is one of those times.

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