Friday, August 8, 2008
Little Girl Restored
Last night I came face to face with really how far I have come with my recovery and my walk with the Father.
To most victims of child abuse that occurs at the hands of their father....to have a relationship with the Father in heaven is unthinkable. Our view of the Father is tainted and distorted by the abuse that was perpetrated against us by the one that was supposed to love us, protect us, nurture us.
In my early recovery, I couldn't have a relationship with the Father. As a survivor of incest it just wouldn't come. I got caught up in thinking that He expected me to perform for him. That the Father would abandon me like my earthly father did. The Father was not touchable, attainable, and I feared Him. I certainly didn't or couldn't or wouldn't trust Him.
Giving my love to Jesus (my friend, my confidant, my comfort, my protector) is where the love of the Father was able to permeate into my heart. Jesus said that 'he who has seen me has seen the Father'......let that sink in. Jesus and the Father worked really hard at gently stripping away the layers of protection that I had developed to stay safe. They deconstructed me.....but I had to be willing. And because I trusted Jesus, the Father was able to work a really awesome miracle of restoration within my heart and soul and spirit. He healed the broken little girl that was still trapped by trauma. He was able to reach the broken little girl within me.
What do we have as our CORE message?? For me it was:
"No One Wants Me"...."I'm Not Good Enough"
But I have been restored. I have learned that I no longer have to win the approval of the Father.
I was able to give back a little of that same love that has been poured over me. My friend has young daughters. While watching these beautiful girls, I asked my friend "Could anything that they did, anything that they didn't do make you love them any more than you do right now?"
The tears flowed as she said...'oh no, they are perfect'. And I was able to speak to my friends wounded spirit when I said that the FATHER loves her in just that way. He celebrates us. He sees us as his little girl. He delights over us. And there is nothing that we can do or not do that will change that. Nothing. To let that truly seep into the very core of who we are as a person is a very powerful thing. It restores.
I am so glad that I can still crawl up on my daddy's lap. It is a comfort that I never knew in my earthly relationship with my father. BUT as an adult woman....to become HIS child is so sweet.