Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Relocating & Locating It All
I moved this weekend. We started loading the U-Haul at around 6pm Friday night. We were done unloading the truck at my new place by 9:38 the same night! Phenominal I know. I am still quite blown away by it all. Moving is one of those things that people say "you know who your true friends are when you move"....yep. Guess that has some ring of truth to it. I never really knew that I had so many friends. I am still quite blown away. In all...I had 21 people (including my kids) descend upon my old house and move me to my new house. 21 people.
I had my church community. Some of these people I have had issues with in the past. But they were there for me and my kids. Church People and I don't do so well. Perhaps I could try to see them as part of my community? Rather than Church People? Perhaps I have segregated myself from them to a degree that goes beyond what it should be? Perhaps I have in the past expected far too much from them? I am being pinged on the head by the Holy Spirit over this one. I know that these Church People love me and my family. I have seen it with my eyes and felt it brush past my heart. They care. They were there. They still are. Now the women are bringing me dinner all this week to fill in the gaps of my life. Splendid. I am really honored beyond words by this gesture. It lightens my load. It is something that if I was asked if I wanted I would say no. It just seems like a pretty intimate and profoundly personal thing to do....
It is alot. Prepare the food. Deliver it. It is risky. And to have someone do that for me is....very intense. SO the Pastor told them not to ask me if I wanted this gift. He just said to 'do it' and they are and I am feeling the pangs. It feels kind of dependant of me. I am depending on them. That scares me. Feelings aren't facts.
Of the 21 people that helped me move were my friends Paul and Dena. I have written about Dena's battle with cancer this year. She was there moving me. How humbling is that? Dena completed her chemo and radiation recently and the scans say that the hot spots are down to a 3. Dena is losing her hair but she is still so very beautiful. She is lovely. I just have to say that this woman inspires me. Hands down more than anyone has in a very very long time.
The Camping Goddess was there with a horse trailor of all things. I just had to laugh out loud at the thought of all my stuff where horeses stand. Do you know how many boxes a horse trailor can hold?? As long as the weight limit isn't over 1000lbs the Camping Goddess says....it'll be fine.
Most of my 'adopted' kids were there to help me. I love these children that are not my own. How my heart misses them already. Although I know that this quiet time in my life is a season. It is much needed. I will miss the kids hanging out and hanging with me. But for a time...I need some down time. My life is gearing up for what is to come.
Now that I am upacked. Pictures and curtains are hung. I am not functioning on automatic. I am physically exhausted. Mentally plucked. Emotionally drianed. Spiritually tazered. So much to process. I push and push and push myself so that my kids have 'stable' around them. I will function on little sleep so that my house is HOME for them as quickly as possible. I have to do this. I lessens the trauma for them...and me. I need safe. It isn't safe when everything is in boxes and bags.
For me the greatest blessing of all this whole moving experience is that two of my friends called me after the move just to tell me that I am loved. One said "Tara, there is no one that I know that doesn't love you"..."everyone just LOVES you". And the Camping Goddess...she is a spiritualist type of carma stuff kind of gal....says.."Did you see that energy and love that you attract? Do you see what you bring to others? You created that love that was poured out?......
It's a mystery to me how someone like me could have such wonderful friends and lovers of my heart and soul. It's a mystery. I am beyond comprehending being valued like I have been. It really puts a spin and shoots the shit out of the tapes that play inside my head that 'no one loves me".....ya know what I mean??
Shifts and changes. This is not the last change to come. There are more on the way.