How Do You Measure Up?

Wow! Another year gone by. Another year to wade thru. More chances to get it right this time. On a musical tribute DVD called ‘Rent” to AIDS survivors, there is a song called ‘Seasons Of Love’ with the following lyrics:
525,600 minutes. 525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes. How do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, is sunsets, in midnights and cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
525,600 minutes. How do you measure a year in the life?
Interesting concept isn’t it? How do you measure a year? How do I measure 2007? I guess that the only way that I can measure 2007 is by my personal growth. Changes I made. Changes I didn’t make. I tend to be pretty ruthless with myself and overly critical with my progress but for the moment….I’ll be nice to me. Here’s what I managed to change.
1) I stopped living my life and organizing my life around a bottle of wine. I started to think that I was an alcoholic. But realize that I am not. I tend to binge drink when I am not working thru emotional issues that make me feel trapped.
2) I joined the leadership at my church’s program called Celebrate Recovery. This was a very big step for me after running from church for the past 7 years.
3) I made several amends to people that I harmed. This also was not easy. Especially making amends to myself.
4) I managed to find a financial counselor to help me sort thru the debris of my finances. YUK. I want to someday work for the government but need to clean up my financial stuff before they will give me any kind of clearances. Go figure.
5) I started my own business and own my own web site. I blog a lot. More progress for me.
6) I got pregnant (ok my daughter did) and I came to terms that I will be a grandma soon.
7) I lost my step mom to alcoholism at age 48. This was a terrible loss for me. She was the last piece I had of my dad besides a half brother who isn’t ready for a relationship with me.
As a result of the death of my step mom, I was able to connect with aunts and uncle of my father’s extended family. This gave me a sense of belonging.
This death also deepened a relationship with my beloved cousin Vic who I lost touch with for too many years. I have always loved and cherished her….but for some reason the relationship suffered thru the course of life and with the death of my step mom this relationship was resurrected.
I think all in all. Not a bad year. Death brought about life and restoration. This year I will focus on my relationships more closely. I will not pander hours away filled with the “what if’s” or the “could have’s” or the “I should’ves”. I will face the bad things. I will face situations and sort and sift them to see if they are worth keeping. I will toss what is not healthy. My will continue to live with my little turtle head out of my shell and my little turtle legs will keep walking forward. Slow but purposeful.
I will quit smoking this year.
I will get my passport.
I will be the best mom and grandma I can be.
I will make sure that my twins are licensed drivers.
I will continue on the road of personal recovery to uncover the person that I was created to be.
Then next year…..we’ll see how it all measures up.